Paranoid? (a letter to the government)

They tell me you can tap my phone

and hear my goings on

you can hear me talking to my dad,

or even with my mum!

…

You can listen to when i’m feeling sad,

or even when i’m happy

or when i’m talking to our nanny,

about our baby’s nappy

…

You can hear me book a table

at our favorite restaurant

or even when I call up

for a hair appoint-a-ment

…

So this is scary to some people

but i am bold and not afraid

if you want to listen to my calls

i’ll set up a three way calling conference call whenever I am about to phone someone and let you know the exact time of a minute before so that you can call me and join into the conversation!

…

They say you’ll soon have satellites

that can spy on us from space

you’ll see my every little move

and recognize my face

…

Maybe one day you’ll even see me

when I take my dump

maybe you can let me know

if you spot an irregular lump

…

So this is scary to some people

but i am bold and not afraid

if you want to take me out one day

I’ll give you the number and location of the local grocery store where i’ll be doing my weekly shopping so you can catch me there in the frozen foods aisle where you’ll have plenty of time to take your aim!